Ch ch ch changes

It's been a long while since I last posted. And boy, howdy! there's plenty to report. So, I will do an injustice to all the excitement in my life by summing things up here.

We had Gabriel's baptism last Sunday. It was FABULOUS. Our rector is retiring from our parish as of July 1st so we feel very lucky he was able to squeeze us in. (I, in fact, scheduled the dunking of #3 before he was even born... which I thought of as bad luck for sure... but it looks like everything worked out!) Randy has been leading our church since just after the Resurrection (or maybe 1978?) so this is a HUGE change (#1) for the congregation. He also happens to be (along with Bishop Robinson) THEEE reason I found myself back in the pews after so many years away. My father-in-law, a non-church goer himself, says if he lived here he'd go to church, too, because he admires Randy so much. THAT'S sayin' something!

Gabe likes Randy so much he'd like to nurse!

We had a pretty big crowd: Scott's parents (who were meeting Gabe for the first time), my parents (my Dad meeting Gabe for the first time) and my sister, Heather, and her family (all of whom were meeting Gabe for the first time). So, obviously, this was a "big reveal" for the little dude. He was SOOOO happy to have so many eager, loving arms to hold him. His days were exceptionally peaceful, as were mine, since I basically just had to feed him when he got hungry. He's definitely a snuggle bug and happiest when his in the arms of an adore-er.

Hail, hail the gang's all... (well, not even CLOSE to all... but a nice subsection of the gang's) here!

My sister brought her 3 youngest kids (her eldest is in college) and I get a little choked up just thinking about how amazingly the kids get along together. We lucked out weather-wise so the 5 of them (Gabe was not game... spoil sport!) spent allll day outside creating Zombie-Proof forts and playing hide 'n seek and swinging and generally have a fantastic time together. I think it helps that I have boys and she has girls (twins Annie & Sophie, age 9, & Tessa, age 8) as I think this removes some of the one ups manship that might occur if they were the same gender. Although.... maybe it doesn't matter. All I know is that they adore each other and it gives me no end of pleasure to see them romp around.

Cousin fun at the playground.

Cousin fun on a mini-hike. They're all so reserved and shy....

Happy as he was with all the lovin', Gabe still seems to have tummy troubles. So, I have changed (#2) my diet fairly drastically, based on Dr. Sears' recommendations. (Thanks to Bobbi for the web link!) I have eliminated dairy, caffeine, soy, peanuts, chocolate, citrus, wheat, chicken, beef (as a vegetarian, this is obviously not a sacrifice!), eggs, nuts, corn, broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, onions, green peppers, and tomatoes.

WOW, right? I had to make a list of foods I COULD eat in order to convince myself that I wasn't going to starve to death. I have been eating Rice Chex, coconut milk and fruit for breakfast. For lunch and dinner I've been eating quinoa, brown rice, sweet potatoes, avocados (with apologies to Barbara Kingsolver and all she taught me in "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle"), peas, sunbutter, chick peas and all manner of fruit. I am sprinkling chia seeds on and in as much of my food as possible in order to get the nutritional benefits it offers.

I think, by the way, that he is feeling a little less gassy: he still HAS plenty of gas but it doesn't involve as much pain and pushing to get it out. I am on day 3.5 of this and need to maintain this strict diet for 2 weeks. Then I can work foods back in and see how he reacts. While I would love to head back in with chocolate first, I think I have to give wheat a chance... living without bread and pasta is tough around here! (You gluten free folks have my sympathies!)

As far as my own feelings, I am surprisingly un-hungry. As in, less hungry than I am when I eat whatever I want. I have sort of an "empty" feeling, though that is almost certainly psychological. And I know my legs don't feel very fresh, even after a rest day. I have lost a pound or two (not that I'm really trying) but I'm kind of surprised I haven't lost more, given how low-cal my diet is now compared to my normal carb/chocolate fest! We'll see how things look in 12 or so more days. I am a little concerned about getting good fueling for my long runs, but thankfully I don't have any scheduled beyond 8 miles for the next two weeks. Trying to crank out double digits with this diet would be very hard for me.

As of now I would, by the way, kill for a hot fudge sundae.... but maybe this break from crappy food will get that monkey off my back. Oh, and at least I can drink wine. One glass with dinner makes me feel like there are still some fun things I can have.

Only in my dreams....

On Tuesday, Megan and her kiddos, Max (age 3) and Sydney (age almost 5 months), visited and bore the gift (well, a loan, anyway!) of a Moby Wrap. Holy schmoley. We are changing (#3) from using the sling, (which was useful and fine but he seemed to slip out of place a bit) to the Moby Wrap and life.is.GOOD! Gabriel totally digs being snuggled up (as noted during baptism weekend) but this Mama has got STUFF to do. The Moby allows me to be hands-free and do (almost) everything I need to do... minus the fussing and crying that would pop up when he was on his own in the bouncy seat or on the play mat. (Lookitme bein' all Attachment Parenting and junk!) Will this indulging his need for contact bite me in the butt later on? I have no idea... but for now, I am enjoying the peaceful baby that rests comfortably with me for long stretches during the day.

MC Phoebe be Baby Wrappin', wickedy, wickedy wack. Yo.

Sydney's totally over her Moby and lovin' her Ergo Ride... Thanks, Syd!

I tried to make my own Moby Wrap by buying material at Joanne's and wrapping it following YouTube instructions. Don't bother. This is a much cheaper option but you will never find the soft, stretchy, SPF material Moby has and you will just wind up cutting it into pieces and dying it to create Ninja costumes for Elliott's 6th birthday party. Well, maybe you won't do THAT exactly, but you get the idea. (It was a great party, by the way! We celebrated a week early because of so many family members in town for the baptism.) I guess you could say Elliott is changing (#4) into a 6-year-old on Saturday.

Of course the 40-ish moms are the ones who most enjoyed the ninja get ups. We got the moves like Bruce Lee.

Finally, tomorrow (or maybe next week... jury is still out if I'll be needed) is my last day as a daycare provider. This is by far the biggest change (#5) in my life - other than the birth of Gabriel - in almost 5 years. I told myself from the start (fall 2008) that I would do daycare until Elliott was in school full time. The birth of #3 makes sticking with it more appealing, but I need to make a change. As a dear Mother Runner friend said (I'll keep her nameless in case she doesn't wish to be quoted here), "It seems like running a daycare makes you hide your light under a bushel." I'm grateful for social media because I definitely wouldn't have felt I was shining ANY light if it weren't for my online nonsense over these 4 long years.... but she did sum it up fairly well there.

Two of my original daycare buddies with T & E. Winter 2009. They were 4 & 2 at the time. How far we've come!

So, while dropping a job that would allow me to stay home with my little baby seems straight-up stupid, the opportunities that I am pursuing would resolve a few challenges my family faces right now... But I won't go into that unless and until I have a position lined up and the ink has dried.
 And certainly there will be posts about the changes we will be facing after that gets resolved!

Tomorrow is the last day of school and kindergarten promotion. Hopefully I'll blog about that before, say, September!!

Hope your changes are going well. And a final shout out to Dede, who's changing into a Warrior Goddess as we speak. Way to go, Dede. You ROCK!

Early Morning Stream of Consciouness

This is a teeny bit of a rant. I wrote it last night (Saturday) before the results of the S.C. primary were in. I don't pretend to be a social conservative, but I don't want to turn anyone off who is. I hope you'll come back for more when I'm back to writing nonsense instead of more political content. 

I am, by the way, in awe of the Gingrich win last night. I can't say there is a universe in which I would vote for him, but it will make for some interesting media consumption in the coming weeks.

I woke up this morning just before 5AM. Being Saturday, I didn't need to hop up and start my day. I went to the bathroom and prepared to snuggle down for another hour or so of sleep. But, as fate would have it, my brain was going all kinds of places.

For some reason - probably because of the Republican primaries - I have been thinking a lot about "Family Values". I will try to remain non-politcal here but I am just plain flabbergasted by the hypocrisy of certain candidates. I won't say that all of the questions asked of Said Specific Candidate were appropriate given the forum, but when a person plans to set himself up as a Traditional Conservative Family Man, he really ought to remember what a Jack Wagon he was in the past and maybe, just maybe, rethink how hard he wants to hit that message home.

Just like we all grew up, huh?

And then my mind went to the topic of family planning. I share my sister Heather's opinion that far too many candidates who call themselves "staunchly Pro Life" are, in reality, merely "pro-birth". Meaning, they want to make sure every possible sperm meets up with every potential egg and implants itself in any available uterus. After that, well, that's the Mama's problem. Health insurance? Pahh! Even Start and Head Start? Funding that is outrageous in these economic times! Subsidized childcare so Mom & Dad can go to work? Puh-lease!

Further, I get really annoyed when people confuse the term "Pro Choice" with "Pro Abortion". No. No. No. NO ONE is "pro abortion". No one wants there to be MORE abortions. What pro choice folks want is increased access to ALL forms of birth control. (Oh, yeah, and one fella from Pennsylvania definitely does not want couples to have insurance coverage for any form of birth control... regardless of their marital status.) Wouldn't it be amazing if all the babies conceived were conceived by consenting, loving adults who were delighted to welcome a new love into their lives?

And, yes, I know that adoption is an option for these unintended pregnancies. Where would I be without adoption? Four siblings and scads of nieces and nephews shy, for one thing.

Okay, now back to my stream of consciousness. I was thinking about the "Abstinence Only" education plans. and I came up with a GREAT name for any organization that wants to promote it.

EKIN: Just DON'T Do It.

(EKIN is NIKE backwards...)

I spent a good 15 minutes silently giggling about the brilliance of this marketing strategy. If you happen to believe in Abstinence Only programs and want to start one, you are more than welcome to use this name and tagline. You are welcome!

As if on cue, this afternoon I came across a column by Steve Chapman of the Chicago Tribune called "The truth about 'secular' America". It looks at the popular argument that many of our modern day ills would be alleviated or cured if the nation would simply return to its Christian roots. Chapman points out that socially speaking, we are doing BETTER, not worse than we were 30 years ago: teen pregnancy, divorce, abortion... all DOWN from previous decades. And, to add to the "Well, gee!" factor, the states with the biggest social problems are smack in the Bible Belt. (His example is Mississippi, which has the highest church attendance rate AND the highest murder rate.) Fascinating.

Now, I haven't researched his sources and I am willing to bet that a better indication of social struggles would be high rates of poverty and not high rates of religiosity... but that doesn't change the fact that being a Believer amongst a whole lot of other Believers does not insulate one from trouble or bad choices.

Now I've forgotten all of the other weird things that went through my head this morning. Just like trying to retell a crazy dream, this remembrance of my brilliant thoughts (sarcasm alert!) is just going to peter out. Maybe next time I think about writing about politics I'll remember the advice of my favorite fictional sex ed program... EKIN: Just DON'T Do It!

Totally On Purpose: Grace, Not Perfection

Dear Baby TOP,

Today is Thursday, December 8. You are 22 weeks and 2 days (give or take) into the baking process. A little less than 18 weeks - I hope! - before we get to meet in real life.You are still sucking the life out of my sacrum and my athleticism and, you know, it would be super cool if you could find your way to a new spot. Otherwise, we're good and I totally already forgive you.

Today I've been thinking a lot about how life is going to change when you get here. There are a million X-Factors involved in trying to predict the pattern of my days to come. This causes me a heap of anxiety. What will life be like on April 15? August 1? Or 2013 and beyond?? I wonder at the wisdom of The Universe offering up another bundle of love to me at the very brink of when I thought I would be finding myself in Big Girl Work. Am I hitting the reset button for another 6 years? Oh, Destiny, could you be so cruel?

And then I, of course, get real and know that The Universe did not actually cause your conception. (But you are WAY too young for THAT conversation!) I try not to give in to the notion that Fate decides things like this. It's mindsets like that in other people that can really irritate me, as I think they use it as a cop out for not getting their sh*t together.Then again, some people that I really love and respect have that outlook on life and they certainly have THEIR sh*t together.


Ah, the classic debate: external v. internal locus of control.(Maybe it's only classic to me, since I seem to grapple with it 8 or 10 or 100 times a week!) Somehow I feel like a bit of that is all wrapped up in God and Faith and, oy!, it makes my head spin and my heart hurt and my knees weak.

"Faith is not the absence of doubt." I keep reminding myself.

But "faith is not the absence of doubt" is not the mantra I found myself repeating this morning. Instead, I was reminded of a conversation my husband had with one of his oldest friends, now an Anglican priest. They were talking about "Dispatches from Candor", which the friend made the heroic journey from Pittsburgh, PA to Wolfeboro, NH to come see, and as Scott was talking about all the details he wanted to get right in order to honor Polly and those who love(d) her, his friend looked at him and said:

"You know, I'll take Grace over Perfection any day."

So, this morning, that piece of wisdom was whirling around my brain over and over and over again. I had amp'd myself up for a very stressful morning: Up even earlier than usual to get the boys ready in time to take Scott to school at 6:40 since the van is getting fixed (we hope) and we are a one car family for now; home again for a few minutes to finish lunches and snacks and notes to teachers and last night's reading homework (play rehearsal last night = no time for finishing  homework!); taking boys to the bus stop; greeting a 3-year-old, 2-year-old, 7-month-old and their keepers; hauling the trio of said small people with me to my midwife appointment; surviving said midwife appointment; hauling the trio home again....

Just in time for baby's bottle and snack and, yeah, now it's basically lunch time and every body has to pee and wants to try the potty to earn a chocolate chip and nobody wants to share toys and several minutes of "I said bless you to the  baby" "NO! I said bless you to the baby" "No I did!" "NO I DID!!!", and NO you cannot turn on PBS Kids because you were just arguing and there's no TV if you're arguing and PLEASE give me 5 minutes and I promise lunch will be ready and....

THANK GOD every one went down for a nap simultaneously so I could come to my Blog and work it all out.

Oooooh.

Shucks.

Almost forgot this was a letter to you, Baby TOP. Sorry about that.

Days like this offer so very many opportunities for failure/disaster/tears/frustration. All I could do was think ahead, do the prep work, and hope for the best. And really, the stressful stuff only happened at home and not on the road or in the doctor's office. What's that we say, "Public stress is multiplied; private stress is halved"? Anyway, since there was no audience for the ugly stuff nn the biz we call that "A Win".

Because of the mantra in my head all morning, before I started this entry I called on my good pal Mr. Google and did a search under "grace over perfection". Up popped this little diddy:

Found this. Want to marry it.

It's a bit wordier than "grace over perfection" but it also has the side benefit of being a complete sentence. The blogger who created this is Emily Ley. She is a designer, entrepreneur, Mom, and many other things, I'm sure, but I haven't had the chance to fully explore her website. I cannot express strongly enough how accidental it was that I found it or how happy it makes me. (Which kind of brings me back to FATE again. What the heck!?) This particular post is from the spring but I could tell from the comments that I was not the only person to stumble upon it only recently.

I don't know exactly where I'm headed with these thoughts today, TOP. I guess I just want to keep the notion of Grace in my head as I navigate these "new, familiar waters" (Looky there, I just came up with a new phrase for the feelings of having a surprise baby when you think you are done!)

Baby TOP - forgive me for the times when I stumble, literally and figuratively, and try to help me remember that I am lucky. Because above all else, that's what I am.

Love,
(Your Lucky) Mom