Monday, March 19, 2012

Same mountain, just steeper

Just came from yet another meeting on our oldest boy.
Never ever ever any answers.
Just more questions.
Just more reasons to wonder what we're doing wrong.
Countless things: over-praising? over-scolding?
Those possibilities suggested in the same breath. Huh?

On his way to narcissism? Fantastic. 'Cuz that never leads to problems.

I think I preferred the delusion that someone was going to assure me "it will get easier."

Never, never, never easier. Never, never, never a way to be sure we are making the right choices.

Did he come out of the box broken or did we break him ourselves?
Most would say it doesn't matter. It matters to me. I'm no more mature than him because I want to BLAME someone or thing. Even if it's me. I want a clear reason and a clear solution.

He wants to be happier. He wants to be good. He deserves so much better.

My own incompetence never sat well with me. Eight years of incompetence is breaking me.

(The decorations are coming down and the dishes are being washed... My next post will not be a pity party. Promise.)

1 comment:

  1. Oh Phoebe we have struggled with some of these same situations. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. You just have to learn to love them for their funky quirks and personality. I guarantee you it does get better. xoxoxo!!