It's Monday. And there are ga-jillions of Marvy Moms out there I've yet to feature. But this week I just could NOT get my poop in a group (thanks to my cousin, Meghan Barden for introducing me to that phrase!) and get it done. Instead I'll try to amuse you with one of the accidentally funny things I'm enjoying lately: visual voice mail.
In the last couple of months our voice mail system began to email me the messages people left on our phone. This is GREAT, because I get the messages whether I'm home or not and, honestly, I hardly ever go and listen to the real message. And this is HILARIOUS because the voice-to-text program, while far more clever than anything my noggin could concoct, misinterprets certain words and phrases in the most DELICIOUS ways.
Phoebe is a hard name for people to understand, especially over the phone. I frequently get misunderstood and am called “Stevie”. It's harmless and funny. But voicemail goes far beyond “Stevie” and offers some, uhhh, unique versions of my name.
Hi Stevie, it's Eric....
Hi Jamie, it's Willy....
Hi Tammy it's Willy... (yep, same person, different call, totally different name for me!).
Hi baby, it's Georgette.... (and her name is actually Georgia)
Hello Airline it's Heidi.... (WHAT?)
And then are just the random weirdnesses that arise mid-message...
... I hope you can hear me because I'm on speaker phone and sometimes the next cookie. Just calling to get some info..... (Never did find out about that cookie!)
….. I got a package today for Maria, it's Lynette with her busy schedule and Aaron doing opportunities. If you still had time to send you a game. Thank you Marie. I've been married fee and I will talk to you later. I hope... (This whole message is just priceless. I have no idea what ANY of it is really about. Except I think I DID send my sister a package. But I don't know who any of those people are!)
Hi, it's Josh... (This was my mother-in-law, Jane).
….. it's Barbara calling from Walter Borough family health care... (It's Moultonborough Family Health Care. I can forgive the mistake, but it's still pretty funny.)
… What the [...]. Somebody, somebody stole that... (This message didn't really have any errors. I was just impressed that they did “expletive deleted”. Big Brother?)
…. We had things such as a giant zucchini, truly man. We haven't switched chard out with Pete, this is Helen, it's Valerie..... (Our friend explaining the veggies from the garden he was planning to bring for our cookout. Pete? Helen? Valerie? I'm not sure how to serve those!)
… it's Peter well for community TV. I understand you wanna watch will for the one.… (Supposed to be “It's Peter from Wolfeboro Community TV. I unerstand you wanna watch Wolfe 101.")
My Mom ALWAYS starts her messages the same way. See two examples – with different spellings- below:
Howdy Doody, we have reservations at the wind goes through resort for next Sunday and Monday night..... (The resort is Windrifter, although my mom might have actually said “wind goes through” because she's hilarious without the aid of visual voice mail).
Howdy duty.... Just checking on how many people you had living at your house this next week and how is your Jim. (I have no Jim. As far as I know, anyway.)
I think this last one is my favorite. It came from an “alert now” reminding us about an ice cream social at my kids' school:
…. this is Cathy Coco principal. Talk to bro Central school.... (Her name is Cathy Koukal. The school is Tuftonboro Central School.)
These aren't as funny as those 'auto-correct' things you see, but they do give me a small bit of joy almost every day. May all your messages give you something to chuckle about this Monday!