Thursday, December 9, 2010

If You Give a Mom a headache...

(Inspired, of course, by the "If You Give a Mouse..." series by Laura Joffe Numeroff)

If you give a Mom a headache, she's probably going to take some Ibuprofin. She doesn't mess around so she'll take 800mg. Then she'll try to continue supervising the rolling out, cutting and decorating of Christmas cookies. Oh, and bread baking. And laundry doing....

The Ibuprofin will give her an incredible stomachache but will not touch her headache. She will nauseously attempt to clean up the cookie mess and start lunch for the kids. The smell of butter, sugar, flour and (now) no artificial flavors, no artificial colors, no fillers, no by-products beef franks will make this vegetarian want to barf and run away and sleep simultaneously. She will choose to ignore the raucous antics expressed elsewhere in the house. If someone is bleeding, surely they will let her know.

Due to the smell, she will forgo the broccoli on the menu and serve carrot sticks and pretzel sticks... as a second vegetable. She will call the kids to the table and declare that she will be laying on the couch if anyone needs anything. Like a prairie dog, she will peek over the top of the couch every few minutes to assure herself that no one is choking.

After lunch, she will change the toddler's diaper and put him down for a nap. She will attempt to do the lunch dishes while the 2 five-year-olds and the four-year-old destroy the play room. She will decide that maybe some toast is in order. And some green tea.

The 5-year-olds will be picked up for school and the toast and tea will be consumed. The stomachache will fade but headache will remain exquisite.

She will turn on her computer, log onto Hulu and find a gentle yoga program.

Her headache will fade.

And she will attempt to complete the the bread and the cookies and the laundry and the lunch dishes that are all still waiting for her.

But chances are, if she does all that, she's going to get an awful headache....

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