http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/big-bad-bully
Thanks to Chris Zimmerman for the link!
This article is pretty disturbing. The end gives tips for kids and parents who are trying to fend off bullies. Wish it gave some specific tips for parents who fear their kids ARE bullies or potential bullies.
Having said that, I see some of the bully traits in Tommy SOME of the time... but certainly not all of them and DEFINITELY not all the time. Tom really loves people in general but there are a few kids who, for whatever reason, he gets easily annoyed with or feels threatened by. Aside from his brother, in fact, there are 2 kids he has this problem with - one of whom annoys him and the other of whom he feels threatened by. As far as the brother thing goes, I think it is 100% normal... but I may be lying to myself.
So can a kid be a bully if he only hits 3 kids in his life and (tries to be) sweet as pie to the rest of the world? (.....Oh, except for the lady at church who patted his head during The Peace when he was trying to read a book. He sure gave her a growl and nasty look!)
Well, I hoped the article would provide a little more perspective. The more we know, the less we worry...right? We're all little scoundrels to some degree--some with shorter fuses and unfettered swats. Yours truly has had his unproud moments of hitting, smacking, punching in moments of frustration and rage. Granted, much of it exists in our lives as tolerable horseplay--but, not having the tools to express my anger (or myriads of other angst filled emotions) with words I NOW realize why it was so easy for me to 'go there' when someone antagonized me. Even now, having reacquainted myself with patience and the other person's rights in the conversation--one of us here will haul off and punch the other in the shoulder but we're catching the inappropriateness of it now. Again, pat yourself on the back and have another glass of wine tonight 'cause you're doing fine kiddo! Your boys put many grown men to shame.
ReplyDelete