You know how at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas he realizes that "maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store"? Well, I was sitting and watching the world go by today and thinking of all the ways I went wrong with my kids on this exhausting, hot, busy July 4th when I realized "maybe Fulfillment doesn't come from a marathon". I don't know why my Mommy Fail ponderings led me to think about running but who am I to try and understand my brain?
It occurs to me that I have been using running as a place holder of sorts until I figure out my next move. I, in fact, ran into a friend on my 15 mile outing on Saturday and told him I was thinking of doing another marathon in September and suddenly heard myself saying "well, I've got to do SOMETHING until I figure out what I want to be when I grow up." I had never consciously thought those words but, whomp, there it was.
I started training with bit of seriousness after I left teaching and began running my day care. "Hello, need for extrinsic rewards!" I'm not sure what sort of epiphany I thought would happen after I had my first (or my second or my third...) crack 26.2. I imagine it was something similar to what I thought would happen when I graduated magna cum worked-too-hard... or got a role I wanted in a musical... or gave birth without meds... or Lord knows whatever ideal "thing" I set in my mind as the way a smart, tough, please-let-the-world-approve-and-maybe-be-a-teeny-bit-impressed kind of woman behaves.
Whooo. That was a lot of thoughtful stuff for a Sunday night considering I haven't even had a glass of wine.
So... if running is a place holder and I haven't a clue what's next, I guess I'll just keep on running and hope that when I figure out "The Thing I'm Meant To Be" I still have the drive to hit the road a few times a week and see what's out there.