I'm "home" this weekend for a wedding. Spending time with my parents and siblings in my hometown got me thinking about stuff I heard growing up. The wisdom (or nonsense, depending) that shaped how I did things, why I did things & what I believed. Most of it, of course, stemmed from my mom. Here, I share some classic Mom-isms, some of which are universal and some of which I'm pretty sure are unique to my Mom. I'm lucky to have the assistance this time around from my sister, Heidi, who, when I brought it up, immediately came up with 2 or 3 that I hadn't even thought of!
What color buns do you want? (A threat that rarely led to a spanking).
When you have sex you burn the equivalent calories of a beer and a ham sandwich. (Seriously, she said this. I have NO idea where it came from. And Heidi does not remember hearing it.)
O-U-S-H-I-T. (Stemming from before we could spell... but it stuck).
Uppy, uppy, uppy! (Overly cheerful, sing-song morning wake up).
You would look so nice with a perm. (She was ALWAYS wrong about this. But until I was about 14 I always fell for it.)
Eat that [crust/vegetable/etc.] it will put hair on your chest. (A little-known goal for her daughters).
Hold your water.
Hold your horses.
Where's the Kissin' Bug???? (Followed by a hmmmmmmmm and zoom in for rapid smooches to a baby or very small child.)
O-U-T OUT!
Disappear!
Do you want me to get the wooden spoon?
Do you want me to pull down your pants and spank you right here in front of all these people?!?!
Dinner will ready/he'll be home/the waitress will be back... as soon as I finish this cigarette.
Socks. Glass. Shoes. Note book. Back pack. (This was the annoyed, list voice that she used when she had had it with the pigsty in our house. I use the SAME voice with my kids!)
Stop it. Right now. Both of you. (Also a classic I use on my kids).
I always did love you best.
You're not at all well. (When one of us did or said something weird).
Wonnnndeeerrrrrfullll!
She's such a sexpot. (In reference to any girl with apparently loose morals).
Honeybabe.
Harriett. (Universal girls' name).
George. (Universal boys' name).
Turkey turd.
Piss pot. (I got is trouble in first grade for using this phrase. I had never thought about what it actually meant. I wonder what would happen if a sex pot and a piss pot got together...)
"Mom, I want a Popsicle."
"I'll sicle your Pop." (Somehow switching the sentence around was hilarious and gave the clear message: no way are you getting what you want and you know why).
If you pee in the road you get a sty in your eye.
White spots on your fingernails come from telling lies.
You're lucky you have oily skin; when you're an adult you won't get wrinkles. (How very, very wrong she was!!)
No comments:
Post a Comment